Observations after a loss

My good friend in Texas just became a widow.  Her husband Bryon was only 40 years old.  Here are my thoughts on this whole experience. 

I met Carol when I worked as a CRNA in Georgetown, Texas.  Although Carol and I don't share all my as she calls "crazy" adventures (speaking of running, triathlon, etc) we bonded almost instantly.  In a world where you can't trust people and even so-called "friends" are dishonest, will stab you in the back or throw you under the bus to save themselves or make themselves look better Carol and I became fast friends and knew that we'd have each others backs no matter what.  Although I moved from Texas over 5 years ago now we've always stayed  in touch. 

I was only in the same town as Carol and Bryon for a few years we had some good times.  Bryon was 6'5" tall, long arms, long legs.  He was sooo funny!  He always had a smile on his face and made you feel welcome.  I put a link to his Obituary so you can read it.  It will give you a sense of the guy he was. 

I feel lucky that I just happened to have vacation scheduled at this time to be able to spend with Carol.  As soon as I could I was on a flight here.  I made so many observations about people these last few days.  First of all, the funeral home was great!  It was a comfortable place where when you walked in you felt you were at someones home.  Never been to a funeral home like that!  The staff were really great and took care of everything we asked for.  The pastor who did not know Bryon or the family was amazing.  I was very impressed at his compassion and professionalism.  Thank you Pastor Ellis.

Sadly, one thing I learned is family doesn't always act like family. I'll leave out specifics here because I'm a little angry and may say some things I'd regret.  Adults and kids....if you have crappy parents it's not your fault!  Some people are just shitty and unfortunately they sometimes breed.  Some people are just selfish and will never be able to see past themselves and their own needs.  It's very unfortunate.  I think the important thing for all of us to learn from people like that is that you don't want to be that way.  We ALL have people like this in our families or lives somewhere.  Just because you were brought up that way doesn't mean you have to continue the behavior.  Your perspective is everything.  I recently read something that said there were 2 sons and their father was an alcoholic.  One became and alcoholic and said he was like that because he watched his father.  The other became successful and not an alcoholic and he said he did this because he watched his father.  Perspective is everything!  Don't continue negative trends.

The other thing that was driven home to me is the difference between the funeral of a Christian and a non Christian.  I have seen many people die in my career and been to some funerals in my time.  In my experience there is a distinct difference between funerals/deaths involving someone who is a believer in Christ and someone who is not.  While both are sad times because friends and family are losing a loved one, those that are Christians can also celebrate in the hope that they will one day be reunited with their loved one.  I noticed this is the way the dying patients acted too when I worked in ICU.  Not ALL, but most of the Christians that were dying and aware they were were just more at ease and seemed less anxious that those who who were not "saved".  For those of you not familiar someone who is "saved" is someone who believes in and has accepted Jesus Christ as their savior.  I think those of us who have live with a different purpose.  In my personal opinion I think we just have a comfort and a more eternal purpose and peace.  Just my opinion.

I have been to funerals for non-believers as well.  I must say it was one of the saddest and most heart breaking things I've been to.  There was ONLY sadness.  There was such a finality to it.  This was it!  Friends Spouses and children had lost their loved one and that was it.  No hope of being reunited or them being in the glory of our creator. 

Why have I chosen to write about this?  It has come to me several times before, but I felt compelled finally to put it down.  I completely understand people who have issues with the church, any church.  Name your religion!  I get angry thinking what we have done as humans to distort God and Jesus so that it fits our needs.  Who decided which writings went into the bible that we currently use??? MAN!  I do believe there is a lot of good in there, but who knows how it's been altered.  I think that you just have to have a personal relationship with Jesus and let him guide your actions.  I try to do this in my dealings with things and people.  Do I make mistakes? Often.  Do I do things that some Christians view as sin? Sure.  I just try to love people where they are.  We all sin and fall short of the glory of God right?  Who am I as a sinner to judge others? Do I judge others?  Sometimes for sure.  Human nature is human nature and I think we all have to just do the honest best that we can with eternity in mind. 

This whole thing may be a little deep for some of you.  I do hope that it makes you think.  I'm very science based, but I also do have faith.  I think it makes for a good balance and that you can have both in your life.  I think if we had more of a combination that our world would be a better place.  I do not believe that intelligence and faith have to be independent of each other.  I say question your life, religion, teachers, bosses, etc.  If your religion does not allow for questions then you're in the wrong one! Examples are Islam, Scientology, and Mormonism

To those that say religion is a waste of time...If you are right and all we have is this short time on earth then I've tried to live a good life and impact people in a positive way for nothing, I'm worm food.  If Christians are right then the non-believer has lost everything.  Eternity is a pretty long time.  Just my opinion though.  I have been to too many places and witnessed too many miracles of nature to believe that all the beauty of our earth just sprouted with no help and that the complication of the human body is evolved from some simple being. 

For those of you that question look things up.  You don't have to be a church member for salvation.  God is so much bigger than that.  All you have to do is ask.  You don't need someone to mediate between you and your savior.   Simply ask for Christ to come into your life and forgive you for your sins...pretty simple huh?  Look up the salvation prayer.  To those of you that think your particular religion is the "only" right way..wake up!  You can't put the creator of the universe in a man-made box!  My usual reply to those folks are you know Jesus wasn't Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, etc. 

Alright, all that was just on my mind.  Hope I made some folks at least think.  If not about eternity, about your affairs.  Are they in order?  Do you have a will and a living will?  Most importantly does your family know what you want?  I know for one that I need to get a few things in line. 

I have here the link to Bryon's Obituary.  My friend Carol wrote it herself.  It's really great and I hope that you will give it a read.  He was a young guy full of life who fought a tough battle till the end.  While those of us who he left behind hate to be here without him, we can rejoice in knowing that we will get to hang out with him again one day.  After everything else I wrote above, now you'll know what that means. :)

RIP Bryon Williams


Obituary

Cajunman race analysis

Cajunman 2016 is in the books.  It was a good time and a great race to end my season.  Of all the races that I've done over the years I have to say that it's still my favorite.  Not crowded, nice people, amazing swag bag, and a Cajun style post race party.  Here's the race analysis from my point of view.

Swim.  I must say the water was nasty.  It smelled funny for sure and I was ready to get out.  There was also a snake that someone had spotted.  I didn't see it, but oh well...more motivation to swim faster.  I had a leak in my goggles unfortunately, but just kept going.  Quite annoying since they were the goggles that I always use and have no problems with.  Stuff happens I guess.  Just keep going!

Bike.  The bike course was really nice in my opinion.  Of course the temps were 90+ so I was worried about hydration and overheating, but the route was nicely shaded in many areas.  I was thankful for this.  The first and last 2 miles or so were a little rough on the road.  Same stretch of road, but not the worst I've ridden on.  The only thing I could really say is that the dismount line was incorrectly marked.  There was a line on the course about 20 feet in front of the dismount line marked dismount.  They really should have covered that, it was confusing.  Let me not forget to mention road kill!  I forget that in Louisiana there are all sorts of little critters on the side of the road that take on a really nice smell in the heat.  I could do without smelling this again. Yuck

Run.  The only thing I can say about the run is thank goodness it was short because it was hot.  I actually felt good for the most part.  Even though the run was only 3.1 miles it was very well supported.  There were several stations with water, Gatorade and Iced towels.  The teenagers that were staffing some of the stations were even nice enough to splash you with water if you wanted.  They were loving it!  So great to see younger folks getting involved in triathlon. 

Final Analysis.  Like I said before this is still my favorite race.  The course, the support, and just the local flare and people make this race special.  It's short, sweet and has the best post race food and party you can ask for.  When you start the swim you can smell the jambalaya and other Cajun concoctions smelling so good!  Talk about motivation.  It was also nice to meet some of the tricajuns team.  I sure wish this group had been around when I was living there.  What a great group of people.  Such a nice group to have in the community. 

Thanks.  Thanks again to my mom and dad for hosting me, feeding and supporting me.  Of course the biggest thanks goes to my sister and event director.  She woke up early with me, carried a bunch of crap and stood in the sun for hours to support me.  Oh and all the driving she did...I'm thankful, because I was just so tired!

That's it folks.  Here are a few pictures from the day!

My Driver

Post race eats in Austin

Post Race

Race Swag

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mount Marathon 2016 Seward, Alaska

Mount Marathon Seward, Alaska...what an experience!  If you are unfamiliar with the race please feel free to watch the above video to see what I'm talking about.  July 4, 2016

The Race
Mount marathon is probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done.  Both physically and mentally it's relentless.  It's up, up, up the whole time.  Usually if you've ever been on a mountain you go up, then find a switchback, or a level place even if for a few minutes.  Nope, not on this mountain.  It's constantly up all the way to the top.  You're leaning forward the whole time, legs and lungs shouting out for relief only to find none.  Once to the top it's time to go down!  This is my favorite part except for the large area of snow that was at the beginning of the downhill this year.  It really scared me pretty good my first time down it in training and caused a nice ice burn on one of my arms.  Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to it in the race.  It's when you just say suck it up buttercup and go!  It's race day after all!  I had some bike arm sleeves so slipped them on before the snow patch and wore them on the way down.  I went down the snow pretty slow, but felt more under control at least.  I emerged from the snow unscathed and it was time to haul ass down the scree field.  This is the part I love.  I mean don't get me wrong your quads are burning all the way down, but it burns so good and you're flying down as compared to the slow slog up.  This sounds great, but you still can't let your concentration  lapse for one second.  Every step counts and a wrong step can end in a sprain, broken bone or worse case a nasty tumble down the mountain.  After the scree field you get to a creek bed.  The creek bed is somewhat less steep, but it's wet and slippery of course....yes, the mountain is not ready to release you yet!  After navigating the creek bed you pick your poison on the way down.  I chose to come up and go down the cliffs.  It's a solid rock wall with rocks that can come loose, so you have to be careful every step and watch for falling rocks that others may send down on your head.  When coming down at the end you're legs are so spent you have to watch every step.  One misstep and boom....let's just say EMS is sitting right at the bottom of this cliff with a stretcher.  After clearing the cliffs you strike your favorite pose on Glory Rock and head down to the street for the 1/2 mile jaunt to the finish.  It's on pavement which I normally don't like, but it's a welcomed piece of flat land.  The finish run is nice.  Everyone is wanting to slap your hand and yelling for you.  It pushes you through to the finish for sure.  At the finish there was a nice young man waiting to spray me down with a hose.  It helped to cool me off and clean me up a bit.  The mountain is a little dirty!

The race crew

Hanging with the girls before the race

Me and Cindy before the race start

Best race husbands ever!

The crew the night before the race.  Great people

Pre-Race

As soon as I found out about winning an entry into this race my focus changed and I became obsessed with the mountain.  I went to Seward several times to learn the right way to climb this mountain as there are many different routes and things to watch for.  I think I went there three times with my friend Cindy (a 10+ year veteran of the race) and once with my friend Mary (a 2015 Mount Marathon finisher).  It was so nice to have their experience to guide me.  They were invaluable!
In my training I also kept up with lifting weights, riding my mountain bike, running and I did as much climbing around Anchorage as I could.  We are in no shortage of mountains in Anchorage.  

Thank You
Now it's time for the most important part....the thanks!
First of all I have to thank Advanced Physical Therapy Alaska.  They sponsored my entry to this great event.  I also have to thank my Sports Physical Therapist Zuzana Rogers.  It's because of her than I was able to do this an all the other events I've done the last year.  She's amazing and keeps me healthy!  Next I have to thank Chad Guthrie, CRNA.  He's my amazing coworker who offered to cover my shift on a holiday weekend.  Those of you who don't always have to work holidays like we in healthcare do don't understand how hard it is to find someone to cover a shift like that.  Thanks Chad you are the man!  I can't say enough how thankful I am for my amazing husband.  He is so supportive of all the crazy things that I want to do and he not only encourages me, but his example pushes me to want to be better every day.  He's sacrificed in so many ways, especially in doing extra stuff around the house when his wife is driving to Seward on her days of to climb a mountain.  I love you Todd with all my heart!  Thanks for being the most amazing man I've ever met and for choosing to spend your life with me.  To my friend Ansley who at the last minute did 1/2 a night shift for me so I could get a little sleep a couple days before the race!  She rocks!  She always tells me I'm crazy for doing all this stuff I do, but she's always there to cheer me on and support the craziness.  Mary Holman is a rock star!  She drove me to Seward in her RV and spent the night with me to climb the mountain.  What a great friend.  It was nice to climb with her and have her insights into to race since she completed mount marathon herself in 2015.  Jessica and Ben Jule were also great supporters and friends.  They gave me their RPod RV for a night and I pulled it to Seward on yet another day when I was going to climb the mountain.  It was so nice of them to trust me with their RV.  I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to drive down, get a good nights sleep then climb the mountain.  It's tough to drive, climb and then drive back in one day.  It's a little exhausting since it's a 2-3 hour drive one way.  My race director and my sister Amy!  She totally rocks.  She found us an perfect house right in Seward.  It was quiet and in a great location.  Who else would have thought of the April heads on a stick she got?  EPIC AMY!  She is the best race supporter ever.  She is an amazing organizer and takes care of all the details.  No, you can't have her...she's mine!  What race shall we do next Amy?  My neighbor and all around awesome chick Sarah Spindler helped out more than she knows.  On many days when I was gone overnight to Seward Sarah stepped in and fed and loved my puppies.  I hope she knows how grateful I am for all she does.  I'll miss her when she moves.  Another great friend Kim Hoback watched the puppies for the 4th of July on race weekend so they weren't scared of the fireworks.  Kim has been such a great friend on so many levels.  Love ya girl!  To my partner in crime at work Lois Miller!  She's climbed stairs with me and encouraged me along the way.  She took it easy on me the weekend before and let me rest my legs.  Thanks Lois...you rock!  I have to give the highest thanks to my friend and mentor Cindy Kupczynski.  She's my mount marathon hero.  She spent so much time with me going through the mountain step by step, giving advice and telling me things to notice and watch out for.  I literally could not have done this without her.  Cindy I truly appreciate you so much.  Thanks from the bottom of my heart.  To all my other friends who supported me and encouraged me along the way.  Some are amazing athletes like Jess Walsh who I want to be like when I grow up.  My other friends who came out to support me on race day and made me laugh with the Aprils on a stick.  Cindy Sparks, Holly Chelmo, Ben & Jess, Ansley, Mary, D'Ana, Wendy, Lisa and so many more.   I can't tell you how many messages of support I got from so many people.  Thank you all!  I'm truly blessed to have this group of awesome people in my life.

A little post race care from the Advanced Physical Therapy team

What's next? 
Well, it's Hammerman time!  Xterra Hammerman is on July 16.  I may not be in top form, but I've got a couple weeks to get ready.  I've stayed on the bike, but definitely haven't swam enough.  When I found out about mount marathon I totally skewed my training toward climbing.  I believe it will help me, but till then I'll get more specific. 
After Hammerman, there's the Moose Nugget Tri in August here in Anchorage.  Very excited about this new race.  Looking forward to racing and supporting it.  My last race of the season is the Cajunman in Lafaytte, Louisiana.  Going back to my hometown to race.  It will be nice because it's a flat course.  Something that I'm not used to anymore.  It's one of the races I did very early in my triathlon life and I look forward to getting to race it again.  It was always one of my favorites. 

After all this I'm taking some time off from racing.  I'm not sure for how long.  I'd like to focus on nutrition and strength training again.  Try to improve my fitness and deal with some issues I need to conquer!  It's time. 

A few more pictures from the race itself.  It was an amazing experience.  If you ever have the chance to watch or participate do it!

Post race Marathon Blonde with Amy at the Seward Brewery

Silly Amy

Glory Rock Pose

Me, Mary and Todd before the race

A quickie climb the day before the race

Not just a routine cabin trip

A few of you know that we've been itching to get back to the cabin after being away from it all winter.  Well, we finally got there on Monday afternoon.  It was pretty windy at lake hood for our take off, but things settled down once we were on our way.  Once arriving at the cabin it's like you can just breathe deeper.  There's almost no way to quite describe our little getaway home away from home.  The dogs hopped out and excitedly ran the perimeter barking and announcing their presence.  They were very excited to be back as well.  We spent Monday afternoon and after waking up on Tuesday I went fishing and Todd cut the grass.  I thought I was going to strike out, but I found a good spot where they were biting and caught us some lunch.  Todd finished repairing the damage to the dock that the ice had done and then he filleted our fish and fried them up! YUM!!!!

After our amazing lunch we started packing up and closing up the cabin as Todd had to leave on a work trip on Wednesday.  This is where the not so fun part comes.  We loaded up as usual dogs down and curled up in the back.  Had a little trouble starting up the plane which is not the norm, then funny sounds, and other issues that I'm not even qualified to talk about.  Let's just say something wasn't right.  The engine cut out finally and Todd got out and paddled us back to our parking spot at the cabin.  It was obvious that we were not going anywhere.

Many phone calls later we think we know what the problem is.  It will require a mechanic and us getting a ride out from the lake.  We tried several friends with planes without success because they were either out of town or all still on wheels for the winter.  Oh well, we were able to secure a ride with regal air.  They did an amazing job and I am thankful they were able to get us out in time for Todd to make it to work.

Ok so why did i share all this???  As soon as we had issues I realized a great thing.  This did not happen while we were in flight.  Whatever is going on in there I think would have led to a loss of engine power and Todd would have had to set us down in the nearest lake (hopefully) or on the tundra.  That could have been bad!  Don't get me wrong I have the utmost confidence in Todds flying ability so I wasn't nervous there, but I was happy that this happened on our lake with our nice warm cabin on it.  No one was injured, we have food to live forever at the cabin, etc.  Just so many reasons to be thankful.  I did not complain for one minute that we couldn't get home or that who knows how much it will cost us to fix the plane, get a ride out, etc.  I was just happy we were all safe and sound.

Moral of my story....don't get upset with some things that could be much, much worse.  Life is short. Be thankful....that is all.

Mount Marathon

So you may ask what is Mount Marathon and why am I doing it?  It's a pretty big deal up here in Alaska.  I couldn't be more excited to push myself and do this!

Looking down on Seward from the top

According to folklore, the tradition of the Mount Marathon Race began when two sourdoughs argued about the possibility of climbing and descending the mountain in less than an hour. “Impossible” one said. To settle the argument, and the resulting wager, a race was held, with the loser to furnish drinks for the crowd. At the same time, enterprising merchants put up a suit of clothes and other attractions for the winner and proposed the race take place on a holiday – why not the 4th of July? The optimistic sourdough lost his bet. The winning racer took one hour and two minutes.
Official records disclose that the Mount Marathon Race® actually began as an organized run in 1915 and has since become a regular part of the Independence Day celebration in Seward. Over the years, this home town historic event has drawn increased participation and resulted in new milestones. 54 women finished the first-ever women’s race in 1985, juniors began logging their age-group records in 1994, and 2005 heralded the beginning of the “staggered start” for the adult races. The popular Mini Marathon race starts them out young – toddling just a few feet to victory!
Race day is always July 4.

Straight up

 So....how did I get myself into this situation?  I was scrolling through facebook a while back and I saw a post by Advanced Physical Therapy that said they had 2 spots in the race.  So you just had to like and comment or something easy like that for a chance to win.  At first I scrolled right past it.  Then I said "why not".  Several weeks later I get a message that I got a spot.  CRAZY!  This race is extremely difficult to get into.  You have to qualify by being under a certain time in the race the year before or win a lottery system.

I always thought it would be cool to do this race one day, but I hadn't even thought of signing up.  I even forgot that I had done the facebook thing.  Once I found out I was in though I got really excited for some reason.  Why does it excite me to go out and exert myself like this?  Because I can!  Things like this make me thankful that I can do this type of stuff, or at least attempt it.  When I see someone who doesn't have the ability that I have I feel guilty when I take an elevator, drive instead of riding my bike, etc.  I try to keep that in mind when I'm feeling particularly lazy.

Well, that's the story.  I officially begin training May 1.  I'm excited.  Time to start climbing.

Looking forward to anyone who'll be in Seward for the 4th watching or participating.  Let me know who's coming!

Update...obviously I'm always late on getting my posts out when i want to so now it's mid may and I've already started training.  I've been out a few times with Cindy the great! Pictures below of course.  Todd has gone with me once on an off day for him and of course the dogs are always game for a good workout.  I'm enjoying pushing myself in a new way.  

Thankfulness 2016

Once again it's been way too long.  As you can tell by the title I'm feeling very thankful lately so I thought I'd touch on a few of the reasons why.  There are too many reasons to touch on everything so I'll just hit a few of the highlights.
1.  My husband and home life
2.  Family
3.  Work
4.  Friends

Starting in January Todd started his new job with Alaska Airlines.  This meant 3 months of him being away from home in Seattle.  It was stressful for him even though he handled it so well.  Lots of new information, being away from home, etc.  I truly missed his presence at home.  So glad to have him home now and starting a normal schedule with his new job.  I'm so proud of him.  He's such a hard worker and man of integrity.  I'm happy for him that he is getting to do his dream job.  I wish for him a long and rewarding career.

I took this picture with a little bit of resistance, but like the first day of school I needed a picture of him in his uniform on the way to a flight.

Todd heading out for a flight to Deadhorse

I also have to give a big shout out to my baby sister.  For those of you that don't know she's my only one.  She's 8 years younger so for a big part of our life we were both like only children.  We grew up at different times in our family life.  We weren't very close due to being so far apart and having different interests, and probably due to me being a teenager when she was young, in a difficult marriage and just in a different place.  I just have to say it's been really nice getting to know her as an adult.  She's an awesome person and amazingly talented.  We still have different interest as she's a big city girl and I still prefer the country life, but we've found more common ground in recent years and it's great.  She's super talented and I couldn't be more proud of the person she is.  She's also my official race support crew!  Love her!

Me and Amy at Lakewood church in Houston where she lives and goes to church

At work I've been on night shift on the weekends for over a year now.  Recently I had to work another shift.  I can't say that it was horrible.  I have some amazing colleagues for sure!  However, I did miss my regular shift.  I finally feel like I am getting to know some of the other people in the hospital that work when I do.  I feel like I belong somewhere.  It's nice to be with my work family.



It's nice to see a very old friend find happiness.  On April 9, 2016 my oldest friend from childhood Aimee got married.  She's an amazing person and a most awesome friend.  My only wish is that she lived closer.  To show what a close friend she is my sister is actually named after her.  One awesome Amy named after the other.  The other guy in the picture is Mark.  He was also a childhood friend and it was so nice to see him after 20+ years.  Great to be back in touch.

Mark, Aimee, and Me

The struggle is real

Back on the run training after a long lay off of just being run focused.  First track workout today.  I forgot how tough those can be.  By my 7th and 8th repeat i was about to fall off the treadmill.  I'm not normally a treadmill person, but with track workouts it makes you stay on pace. 

Honestly, it took everything I had to get up and get off the couch today.  After working all night sometimes I just don't want to do anything.  I'm glad I did though.  I needed to.  Not that work has been incredibly stressful these last couple of days.  We did have a 7.1 earthquake last night that was pretty exciting, but nothing else too bad.  Thank goodness because last weekend wore me out.  Things won't get done sitting on the couch.  Back at it this week.  So much to do, but this week should be a little more relaxed than last.  Still lots to accomplish, but at least I'll be at home and can stay on task.  Painting the living room will be my major task!

Making progress on my fitness goals though not as fast as I'd like to.  With that said, my progress or lack thereof  is purely my fault.  Even though progress is slow, it's progress and I'm making mental gains daily.  I feel myself getting stronger both physically and mentally.  Breaking years of bad habits is a struggle and doesn't happen overnight, but it's happening.  Back to work tonight.  I should go and get ready.